For some reason we all (unless you are a sociopath) have a need deep down to be liked by people. There is definitely a huge spectrum of the need for validation in the human race but anecdotally speaking I think there are VERY few people who truly don’t care if no one likes them. Those who don’t most likely suffer from a mental illness and are probably people you don’t want to be associated with anyways. Scientific research shows that relationships are a vital and necessary part to happiness for the human being, so even though you might say “I’m me, if you don’t like me then fuck you. At-least I’m being real and not fake like everyone else” chances are what you really mean is “I have burned a ton of bridges and suffered from my relationship skills, but I won’t face reality and decide to pretend like I don’t care”. Don’t be that guy or girl. Wether you like it or not your network and your relationships will determine how far you get in life and how happy you can truly be. BUTTTTTT…… meeting new people can be extremely awkward and honestly pretty intimidating, so where should you start?
Here are 3 simple ways to get anyone to like you.
1.) Put your ego aside and try to stop judging people. I think it’s a primal instinct for us to immediately start judging people and at some point it starts to become subconscious. Our guards are up and we are constantly comparing them to what we consider “normal” human behavior or views and beliefs. Unfortunately, our perception of reality is completely fucking biased and most people probably judge us for our own beliefs even though we tend to think they are right. We can tell when we are being judged and it’s probably the quickest way to severe a connection with someone. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them or their beliefs but it does make you take a non biased approach and at least respect them because their thoughts, feelings and actions are their perception of reality which has been built upon for years. If you meet someone and they start spouting off crazy talk about the new multi level marketing scam they joined and this magic topical ointment that has helped thousands of people “get ripped and get rich as fuck!” it can be hard not to laugh and write them off but I challenge you to be open, ask why they believe in it or what made them join. Those two questions can lead to way deeper conversation and hopefully get past all the mumbo fucking jumbo about fat burning body wraps and energy drinks that are going to get you crazy fucking rich, bro. My upline’s puline totally has a sick fucking Bimmer and it’s all thanks to this company. By skipping judgement and getting them to talk about something more human -themselves- you will instantly build rapport because talking about ourselves has been proven to trigger the same association of pleasure in the brain as food or money. We love food, and money, more than all we fucking love our narcissistic selves. Stop judging so hardcore. Yes, it is truly hard to stop judging. Yes, it is sometimes in our best interest to judge the fuck out of people because they truly are delusional. You will never know what type of value someone can bring you if you judge them right off the bat and don’t try to form a connection with them. Don’t be a Gretchen Weiners.
2.) Don’t try to have all the right answers. Try to have all the right questions. If people wanted your opinion they probably would have asked you. If they wanted to know who the 13th president of the US was they would pull out their fucking phone and Google it. People with the answers to everything are stubbornly annoying and we all probably hate them (at least we can pretend so I feel like I’m right, right? Right.) One of the easiest ways to influence someone is by asking them questions. People especially love tough questions. What gets them out of bed in the morning? What’s the end game in their career? Why are they even at the bar, swiping through tinder, double fisting gin and tonics? Good questions can make for great conversation, this is what made Larry King a legend AND extremely wealthy. By asking questions you put the person you’re talking to in the drivers seat and let them control the conversation. Not only can you learn a lot in the process but they might even reveal something unforgettable that will turn into a conversation you never forget. One of the most potent ways to influence someone is to ask them for their advice. As humans we love to give advice and our opinions no matter what the topic because we have attached them to our ego and they are OURS. It makes us feel super duper special when someone wants our advice no matter how nefarious it may seem. That’s why your buddy Ryan and your BFF Gina love giving you relationship advice even though they’ve each gone through three spouses and contribute to America’s 47% divorce rate. Sounds like asking a homeless person for advice on finances and success, or Stevie Wonder for directions, you might not get the answer you’re looking for but I’m sure they loved sharing. Asking for advice is an easy opener to any conversation too and should be used to break the ice. If you see someone at the bar who sparks your interest, “Excuse me, I’ve never been here before, would you mind telling me what’s good on the menu?” or at the mall “Hey! I’m having a hard time deciding. Mind giving me a hand? I’m debating between the red shirt and the blue shirt, what do you think?” Super simple. Super easy. Super effective.
3.) Make people feel more comfortable by putting a time limit on your encounter. Tell them you only have a minute because you are in a rush and they will immediately feel more comfortable talking to you because they know you will soon disappear. As harsh as it may seem, this is reality. People relax when they know you’ll soon be gone because if the encounter starts to sink like the Titanic, it will be over before they know it. No one likes to feel trapped talking to some freak. No one likes to feel out of control and unsafe. It also gives you an easy out if the person you’re approaching turns out to be the weird one and you need to go. You can stroll along your way like nothing happened and not feel guilty about cutting off the conversation because you gave them a fair warning that it will be quick.